Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
