come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
