so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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