she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
