We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
