I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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