Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
