don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
