My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
