There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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