he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
vagina is talking i cant
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
