you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
