So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
