i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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