Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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