you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
