I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i now understand why vodka
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
