So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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