I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
