i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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