I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
