Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
