How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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