I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
