u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
