He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
