they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
