i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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