It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
