Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
