i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
