Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Bring me that man meat
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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