I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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