id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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