Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
