She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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