if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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