so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
