do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
