it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How does one acquire holy water?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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