Its about making memories worth repressing
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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