omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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