You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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