If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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