Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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