his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
