Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
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You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
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I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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