when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I love having hate sex.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
3 2 1 whiskey
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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