I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
