Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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