We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
