apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
