Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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