he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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