just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
