Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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