she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
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