frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
