I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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