I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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