she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
