In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We had sex on a dog bed..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
