Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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