we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
