return my video game
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
