I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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