My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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