I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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