I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
