can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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